This Is Why Women Are Attracted to Jerks

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Sure well all like to hint at our successes. She wants to be your partner, not your puppet. Most men are not the commitment avoiding, freewheeling sex fiends women make them out to be.

And, men are hard wired to be jerks. I bet you're the type of girl that would hand your vag over on a silver platter to the football team if it meant you could be cool.

Jerks Quotes (36 quotes)

If this sounds like a conversation you've had with yourself, you've come to the right place. You're about to learn how codependency can make a nice guy lose out on relationships, and what to do about it. Be warned: I'm not a nice girl. If anything, I'm quite the opposite. Don't expect diplomacy and tact, because that's not what I'm good at providing. What you will get is a no-holds-barred, honest reality check about whether the problem is them. Are you ready for a potentially rough ride. What's the most obvious sign that you're a nice guy. The traits that make for a successful relationship aren't always the ones you might expect. While buying your girlfriend nice presents is a nice gesture, it won't make her believe you're a nice guy. Nice men do nice things, but doing nice things doesn't automatically turn a dude into a nice man. It'll become clear soon enough, but first, I have to muddy things up a little more. You see, nice men often aren't appreciated until they're older - sometimes much older. To help make things clearer, I'll start differentiating between the man who is often disappointed in love and the one who finds success by calling them a nice guy or a good man. I love a good man, but nice guys make me gag. Unless you count that little bit of puke in the throat when I think of experiences I've had with men who blatantly told me they were nice guys as I was erasing myself from their lives. The differences are so big, and yet so small, but it boils down to this - Good men are comfortable in their skin and want me to be just as comfy in mine. Nice guys, on the other hand, have ulterior motives. Their motives are often fueled by emotional problems like codependency, addiction, and anger, which will eventually cause problems in the relationship. In order to meet their own shortcomings, they resort to manipulative tactics that they may or may not recognize for what they are. Smart women kick nice guys to the curb as soon as they can. Nice women play endless mind games back and forth with them and make life hell. I'll tell you more about the women in a bit, but first, take a look at these signs of a nice guy and see if any of them fit you. Don't worry, nobody knows what you answer if you don't tell them. You might or might not like it. Even one of these things is a pretty strong indicator that you may have Mr. Sorry, I just gagged a little again. More than two is likely to be a big problem for your relationships. If you recognized yourself on three or more of these, you probably already know how restraining orders work. An affirmative response to numbers 1,3,5,6,7, 9, 11, 12, 13 and 14 are signals that you are likely to become manipulative. After all, you do everything to make her happy, so you expect her to make you happy, too. This usually means giving you what you want. A woman who gives you what you want as a quid pro quo - just because you did something nice for her - isn't going to feel appreciated for very long. Instead of feeling loved for who she is, she'll feel like you only value her for what she can do for your selfish ass. She wants to be your partner, not your puppet. Answering yes to numbers 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12 and 14 reveal codependency traits. Notice that some answers fell into both categories. Codependency often produces power struggles and control issues that may involve manipulative tactics. Codependent men and women don't feel very good about themselves most of the time, but feel great when others boost their egos. This is a very simplified explanation of a complex issue, but codependency is nearly always present in people who grew up in homes where alcohol, addiction, or abuse took place. These characteristics prove troublesome because you make your own needs, beliefs, and values less important than hers - until you start feeling insignificant. Then you resort to arguments, passive-aggressiveness, manipulation, control, or other unhealthy responses in an attempt to feel worthy again. You're unable to fulfill those needs for yourself, and your partner may not recognize how important they are because you've never shown her. Positive answers to 2, 3, 4, 8, and 13 are signs that you can't, and don't, see her for who she is, and respect you guys are jerks. Instead, you see an idealized version of her that will never measure up once reality sets in. Nice guys aren't all that nice once the luster wears off a new relationship. They're a bit creepy, actually. I realize you're wishing you could tell me how wrong I am, and why those things are truly gentlemanly rather than ghastly, but I've heard your arguments before and they're still wrong. I have no reason to lie about what turns women off - I'm happily married. Go ahead and keep your beliefs if you want to - they're not hurting me and you have a right to them. On the other hand, if you found yourself in those traits above and want to put an end to your less-than-satisfactory love life, do whatever it takes to build your inner confidence and let yourself be imperfect. It'll help all of your relationships, not just romantic ones. Some people need professional counseling to achieve lasting change, while sometimes therapists prove to be no help at all. If you're not ready to see a mental health pro, or haven't found success in working with one so far, the books above are among the best on the market today. I personally recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy because I've known so many guys who say it has changed their lives for the better. I feel a little sad for young men today. Having grown up through the feminist era, I've seen a transition that has taught young women to think of themselves as being special without having to invest in others, while men have lost their guidance on what it takes to be a good man. There haven't been many great role models for today's twenty-somethings. However, people are still people. They have the same basic needs today that our ancestors had. We need to feel capable, competent, accepted, and have our physical needs met. Even without those role models, men and women feel discomfort, anger, joy, pleasure, and pain, and can recognize whether they like or dislike what they feel. Unfortunately, because of those missing role models or worse, distorted versions that saturate popular mediait may take them much longer to interpret those sensations in a meaningful way. This means that a good man - one who doesn't look like a young Brad Pitt, who pays his bills on time, who lets his partner be who she is without trying to change her and yet remains true to himself- seems boring to many young women. Those nice guys who I just described as creepy actually stand a chance you guys are jerks small one, but hey. A woman who hasn't yet experienced a good man might be fooled by a nice guy for a while. Eventually, she'll catch on that deep down he thinks she's inferior. When that happens, she'll fight back or dump him. Once a good man has shown her what it's like to be appreciated and respected, she'll never see the world in quite the same way. She might fall for a nice guy briefly, but she won't stick around for long. And when she finds a good man, even one who isn't compatible with her, she will always remember him. She'll feel like he not only listened to her words, but he understood the meaning behind them. She's going to remember how it felt to be trusted, to be able to influence him when it mattered, but to not have so much influence that she felt alone in the relationship. She's going to remember the way he asked, What do you think. It might not have worked out with him. Perhaps he wasn't as into her as she was him. Maybe she screwed it up by not appreciating just how much better her life was when he was in it, but she won't forget again. What all this means is that a truly good man might attach himself to a young woman who won't know until she's older just how special he is, and a nice guy will only last so long with her in the first place. If you didn't see yourself in those questions earlier, an unhappy love life means you are on the right track at the wrong time and with the wrong women. If you have nice guy syndrome, the best you can do is find yourself a nice girl and endure months or years of power struggles until you make those changes to eliminate your control issues. Sorry, but that's the way it is. If you've determined that you honestly didn't find yourself in that list, then learning how to spot a woman who is ready for a committed relationship but only with the right man is your key to romantic bliss. You can't tell if she's a good candidate based on her hotness factor. If you insist on paying, she lets you, perhaps, but again finds a way to reciprocate with a thoughtful gift or a nice gesture because she treats others the way she wants you guys are jerks be treated. Bonus hint: her relationship's not automatically at you guys are jerks top of her list because she values herself, her time, and her obligations. Nice guys are like any of us - struggling to do the best they can with the tools we have. That's fine, but it's just like women who have loads of emotional baggage - some change needs to take place to produce the best results. In the meantime, those misguided traits can wreak a lot of havoc for them and for the women they date. Like women, they can fall into the trap of looking for passion and excitement rather than compatibility. Whichever camp you fall into, I hope you find success at your own pace and time. While you're at it, please check out some of these related articles above and let me know what you think of what you've seen here. Hi Michael, The short answer to your question is that men who do these things don't have a healthy sense of where they end and their partner begins. It's not about doing a little extra to have a great relationship. These are about if one partner isn't ok, then both partners must suffer - very unhealthy. By the way, great relationships do not take much work. This was a real interesting hub. I feel as though people you guys are jerks confused between a 'nice guy' and a 'good man' especially at my age. I agree with what you said in the comment in response to the question from 'unknown' I feel as though I would fit that category, I am nice and easy going, however I would never change myself or beliefs etc. I've always felt that if there's something about me a girl doesn't like that dramatically, that she isn't for me and she should accept it or move on. When you've been taught to be nice, help, and be respectful, you can still be a good man who doesn't get into nice guy syndrome. Best wishes, my unknown friend. I think the nice guys losing the girl to the bad guy probably changes a bit as they get older, but that's a topic for a different hub. As far as the girl's hand you guys are jerks his pocket while his is on her hip, I'll guess that it's because his arms are longer and his pocket's a convenient handle. I do that with my gent because it's uncomfortable to stretch any further. Hi jellygator, You must be a keen observer to have registered all this and reported it in detail. Sounds like good advice to those who have not been taken yet. It makes one pity the nice guy. So nice, yet losing out at each turn. I've actually sadly seen many bad guys grab nice girls from nice guys. There are times when I wish I could help. Thanks for providing help for such fellows. They should sleep easy with this. You guys are jerks the way, why does the girl in the photo have her hand inside the guy's pocket while the guy holds her hip?.

Using data from North Carolina high schools, Faris uncovered a pattern showing that, contrary to the stereotype of high-status kids victimizing low-status ones, most aggression is local: kids tend to target kids close to them on the social ladder. I dont see anything wrong with the suggestions either. Most guys here have proven by their actions that they won't lynch a non-Asian man based on his race. I think, however, that we are also thinking, feeling beings with some agency of our own and therefore a right to take ownership of our own actions. After all, you do everything to make her happy, so you expect her to make you happy, too. I am demanding that his identity be revealed to me. A few seconds in a debugger walking over that line of code would have shown him what he did wrong. And I implore them to take the ball and run with it in a more positive direction. It denigrates an entire ethnicity. Then he rolled all the results into a single narcissism indicator. Consider the following two scenes. He became less suited for leadership, in the eyes of others, than any other version of himself.